Hi, my name's Lava

Ever eaten Hot Pockets?

Unfortunate? That's an important part of learning as a toddler.

Hotdogs/brats with cheese in them are in the same category.

Isn't this the same for hands?

… and my penis?

Easy there, Vance

And my ass

Yeah weirdly (or maybe not) when we get down to it too every sense is a sense of touch. Your ears touch the vibrations in the air, your nose touches the particles in the air, your eyes feel the touch of the light that hits them, skin is self explanatory, and then your tongue, which is touching on a very miniscule level while checking for all the chemicals and seeing if your nose is confirming that the touch is similar to the particles

Some toddlers have helicopter parents who never let them put anything in their mouth. Will they be stunted in their growth and development and sensory skills?

A healthy anus can tell the difference between solids, liquids, and gasses.

Sucking on couches & table legs & footballs. Toddlers have a lot going on at school.

"Is your Hot Pocket cold in the middle?"
"It's frozen, but it can be served boiling-lava hot."

Hot Pockets!

I've seen this before, but I have to wonder: has anyone actually tested it? Like sure, you can imagine what licking asphalt would feel like, but have you ever just done it to make sure your imagination is right?

If it weren’t for the skin incinerating temperature, it’d probably feel like softened caramel

Seems likely to me

I looked at a lint roller and I’m pretty positive I have no clue what licking that would be like

I think you might be onto something.

I have no idea how dick would feel on my tongue, because I've never had one on my tongue.

Lightly used lint roller and wet tongue? Fuzzy and tacky but slippery. Unless you dry out your tongue first, then it'll just stick in a weird and unsatisfying way.

Pretty much every asshole I know can do that